Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
