So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
