I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
