Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
