nut hugger
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
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