I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
