Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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