I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
