if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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