it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
