So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
