is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
