We named our party play list daddy issues
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
