After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
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