i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
third nipple confirmed
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
