Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
