Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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