On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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