i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
