...so i touched it.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
