You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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