i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
