I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
In other news, I just burned my penis
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
