Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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