i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
