So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
