went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
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