1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
