How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
