I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
