So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
