I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
