you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Naked. naked and bneed help.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
