there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
