Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
