Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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