im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
