if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
