she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
