i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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