i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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