Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
