Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Come on in and take your pants off
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