if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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