Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
