My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Randomize
