kristin has been a bad kristin
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
