i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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