You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
