You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Randomize
